OK, Let’s get real about LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS
I have had endless discussions about this topic with women and men, straight and gay, single and married, and it is amazing how many different viewpoints there are on this topic!
Here are some very interesting perspectives from a variety of people:
From a 56 year old college Geology professor who had been married twice and single/dating for a number of years…
He believes that, back in the old days, lifespans were much shorter….for example, men might die while out hunting for food and women would sometimes die during childbirth. Because of this, he believes that humans may not be meant to be in relationships longer than 20 years or so.
He also believes that many couples meet and marry when very young. Typically people change at different rates, ultimately becoming incompatible and then ‘growing apart’.
How many couples do you know who got married young, raised kids, then break up after the kids are grown? Both were focused on raising the family and they were kept busy on a daily basis. Once the kids are gone, the couple are forced to spend time alone together. They soon find that they’ve become a different person from who they were 20 years earlier.
A group of women were talking about another idea…that marrages should have an expiration date. That they should be good for, let’s say, 10 or 20 years, with the option to renew’!
From a 74 year old man who lost his wife of 50 years to cancer…
“The secret to a great relationship is that each person needs to have their own ‘thing’ that they love to do. My wife had her group of ladies who got together regularly for Tea parties. I had my men friends who got together for drinks or to play poker or go fishing. But, at the end of the day, we always had dinner together.”
My mother died when I was 8 years old and my father had a 36 year relationship with a wonderful lady. They never got married and they had houses across the street from each other! Personally, I think that was great! They were normally together, owned things together, and were committed to each other, but they never gave up who they were. She had a cute little house with all of her antiques and trinkets, and he had his house where he kept all of his things that he loved.
Later, my father’s lady friend passed away and he met the women of his dreams at age 79! They are now both 83 and are the busiest, happiest couple I’ve ever seen! They go and do things all the time, go to dinner, on trips, and go dancing! My father seems 20 years younger and I’ve never seen him smile more!
Do we find the perfect person to compliment our life later when we have experienced life, succeeded and failed, and finally became the person we are meant to be? That person who is also done ‘changing’ and knows exactly who they are, and it fits, like the piece of a puzzle, perfectly into our life?
Another friend, divorced after raising a family, had a wonderful thought…That whoever is meant to be in your life, will be there at the right moment. That ‘young love’ back in college was the perfect partner to help you grow and learn about life and first love. The relationships that follow are and will be, exactly right at the time. Some will last longer than others, some will not be right for us at all, but those are the best relationships because they will teach us lessons and help us to ultimately get what we truly want.